I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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