so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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