Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
