Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
