This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The air was thick with penises
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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