Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
