I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
