Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
