Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
