Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
