eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
