I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
