So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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