Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
