Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
