I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
