Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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