Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
