I just pynch a tree in the face
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
