I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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