On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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