it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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