with your own penis?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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