Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
false alarm, still single
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