I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
