how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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