Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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