thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
