Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
