Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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