theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
