yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
