There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
