I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
