I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
