I am puke
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
