I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
