if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
