the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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