I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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