Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
