oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
