What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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