The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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