FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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