I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
