A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
