we have officially lost it.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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