Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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