Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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