I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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