i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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