I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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