I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
