WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
