I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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