i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
