You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
