I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
