The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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