she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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