How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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