Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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