If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
