make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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