i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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