You made me cry and you don't even care
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
