Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
