If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
