What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
