I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
