Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
