Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
