I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize