As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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